Danny's Advice to Peter
by Cimriel
Summary: After Lauren breaks up with Peter, and Mindy is unable to be there for him, she sends Danny out on her behalf to comfort him, leading to a surprisingly heartfelt conversation.


**I pretty much wrote this because: **

**1) I've always wanted Danny to admit out loud Mindy is the love of his life, and **

**2) I thought it would be funny if Peter called Mindy his "work wife" in front of him. **

**Haha.**

"Danny, Danny. Why do you do this to me?" Mindy exclaimed, snaking a leg behind Danny's back. Danny had come to visit her in between her scheduled C-Sections, and they were sitting together on the break room couch. He sat upright while Mindy was sprawled next to him. "You know this will give me nightmares."

She succeeded in wrapping him in a bear hug with her legs alone, and Danny fought the urge to smile. "You say that every time the show's on, and then insist we keep watching it."

"I didn't know 'Monster Inside Me' even existed until you showed it to me, so you're to blame. Like a normal person, I watched Animal Planet for the baby seals and polar bear cubs. Besides-" she scooted closer, "I have to know now if this Belizean guy with the parasites in his brain lives."

"He makes it." Danny affectionately squeezed her knee. "I've seen this episode before."

"Hey!" Indignant, Mindy dug her toes into his side. "You spoiled it."

"Only because you were freaking out."

"I was not freaking out," she insisted. "And Belize is officially off our list of potential honeymoon locations. That and Jamaica. I'm still traumatized by last episode where the snails infected those teenagers."

Danny's stomach flipped and a pleasant warmth engulfed his body. Damn it. He'd probably end up sweating more than usual, but it was impossible not to when Mindy so casually mentioned their future together.

"You're already planning our honeymoon?" He tried to sound casual too, but his voice broke midway through. They had only been back together for a few months, but not a day went by where Danny didn't think about marrying Mindy. The idea that she thought about it too threatened to make him giddy.

Mindy seemed to know it, and smiled. "Of course. Our honeymoon is going to be crazy awesome. It will be so incredible, Brangelina will finally tie the knot just to copy us."

"Oh yeah?" The reference went right over Danny's head, but he smiled back and ran his fingers over her shins. "Where were you thinking?"

"Well, I always wanted to go to England. I'll be like Elizabeth Bennett, strolling through the grounds of Pemberley…" Mindy dramatically swept her hand through the air.

"No." Danny shook his head. "Not England. I'm not going a place where people drive on the left side of the road. It's barbaric."

"Then what about the beaches in Vietnam?" Mindy offered. "Vietnam is Anthony Bourdain's favorite place in the world, and he's been everywhere."

"Then he's an idiot. New York City should be his favorite place." Danny frowned. "Besides, Vietnam's in Asia, and I don't want to go to Asia."

"Why, Danny, because of chopsticks?" Mindy nudged him with her big toe. "This is becoming a problem. I'm not getting sushi with you again until you stop using a fork. I still can't believe you brought your own last time."

"Says the girl who spit her sake in the waiter's face." Danny grabbed her foot and tickled the bottom playfully.

"You didn't tell me it would taste like ass!" Mindy laughed, as she squirmed and tried to free herself.

Danny reveled in the sound until Mindy yanked her legs away and sat up. "What about France?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"There are French people there."

"Ok, Francophobe. You've officially lost your veto privileges." Mindy shook her head at him. "It's settled then. We're going to Nepal."

"Nepal?" Danny repeated in bewilderment. "That's your idea of an incredible honeymoon?"

She nodded. "Yes. I got the idea from this show actually. A young girl got a tapeworm there and I think that could be very good for me."

"Min…" Danny began, shaking his head in amusement. "I saw that episode with you. It almost killed her."

"Not mine, Danny. My tapeworm would be my friend. We'd help each other out. I'd feed him. He'd basically exercise for me. We'd be very symbiotic."

"You were right," he admitted, stifling a smile. "I should have never shown you this show." Danny looked upward, like he was praying to God for patience. Inwardly, he hoped she'd never stop surprising him like this. "Only you would wind up actually wanting a monster inside of them."

Mindy opened her mouth to reply when suddenly her phone beeped. She reached down and snatched it up from the floor where she left it. Reading it, she frowned.

"What do you think this means?" She asked, showing Danny her phone.

It was a text message from Peter saying, "WAHHHHGAAAHAAAGAAAA."

Her phone began to beep again and again.

"WAHHHHH"

"GAAAAA"

"HAAAA"

"GGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Mindy impatiently pressed dial and raised the phone to her ear. "What the hell, Peter?"

The sounds Peter made were pretty much identical to his text, only much louder. Danny flinched while Mindy had to pull the phone away from her face. "Peter? Peter! Stop just making noises! You sound like a dying camel. What's wrong?"

Danny could hear Peter sob out that Lauren had broken up with him. He and Mindy exchanged a glance before her face collapsed and she ran a hand through her hair.

"What happened? Did she say why?"

While the Danny from years ago would take this as his cue to leave the room, the Danny who had been drawn into Mindy's world leaned against her to listen in. It wasn't easy. Peter didn't seem to be speaking English, but Mindy found a way to understand him.

"Aww, Peter. What does she know?" she exclaimed. "So she's a brain surgeon, who cares? Obviously she doesn't use her own brain! Maybe she has this parasite I saw on TV that eats your brain and makes you crazy." She suddenly began pointing to the TV screen like that would be helpful.

"Can you come over here?" Peter's voice echoed from her phone. "I don't think I should be alone right now."

"I can't, Peter. I'm so sorry. I have a C-Section scheduled in less than an hour." Mindy looked stricken with guilt, and Danny instinctively grabbed her hand.

"Seriously, Mindy? I think my problems right now are a little more important than bringing another stupid baby in the world. Do you know who already has a stupid baby? Lauren."

"Ok, Peter. Peter- listen to me."

"No! We're Gyne-bro-ologists! Medical Pal-sicians! We rally for each other in our time of need!"

"And I want to rally! I do!"

Danny squeezed Mindy's hand. She gave him an appreciative look, until a sudden spark came into her eyes. "Listen, I'll meet you as soon as possible but Danny's here! He can go see you now!"

Danny jolted and began scowling immediately.

"Danny's there?" Peter's voice rang with hope. "Do you think he'd want to hang out?"

Danny shook his head and made an "X" over his chest. Mindy watched him and nodded. "Yeah, of course. He'd love to. Right Danny?"

She lifted the phone up to his ear and Danny glared down at her until he relented. "Yeah. Of course, buddy. It will be great. So great. I'm really looking forward it."

Mindy frowned at him and elbowed him.

"This probably isn't something you look forward to," Peter replied, sounding sad again, "but come over if you can. And Danny- please don't bother giving me any of your bad advice. Seriously, dude."

"Bad advice?" Danny was insulted. "Bad advice? I do not give bad advice."

"The last time I tried talking to you about girl problems, you told me that 'if at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again.'"

"Oh, really?" Mindy cut in, yanking the phone back. A devious smile quickly crossed her face. Danny looked away instantly, feeling his face turn bright red.

"Danny told you that?"

"Yeah. Where do think he even gets this stuff?"

"I have no idea," Mindy said impishly, jabbing at Danny's arm, "but expect him over there soon."

Danny continued to avoid Mindy's eyes as she hung up the phone, but she made it impossible when she crawled into his lap and straddled him.

"For what it's worth, I think that was excellent advice." She playfully kissed him on top of his nose. "Clearly he doesn't have my appreciation for those words. Maybe you should have him ask himself 'what would he say to have his way?' or 'would he give up or try again if…"

"Ok, ok. That's enough." Danny bristled, embarrassed. "So that song still gets in my head sometimes. I spent hours replaying it over and over to get your present right, and this is the thanks I get?"

"Nope. You'll be getting that later…" Mindy wagged her eyebrows suggestively. Suddenly not so embarrassed, Danny smiled and cupped her face gently, ready to kiss her on the mouth.

Instead, Mindy pecked him on the nose again, and hopped off. "After you deal with Peter, of course. You kinda owe him, you know."

Danny's smile disappeared as he glared up at her. He didn't want to be reminded that if not for Peter's gross violation of his privacy, he might have lost her forever.

A half hour later, Danny found himself standing outside of Peter's apartment doorway. After a good ten or fifteen knocks, it slowly opened.

"Jesus, Pete…" Danny's jaw dropped. He stared at his coworker with furrowed brows. Peter was wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts that reeked of tequila, and had a quilt draped over his head. There were chunks of food all over him, including his hair and beard. "Just because you got dumped doesn't mean you have to roll in one."

"Shut up, Danny." Peter spun around dramatically. "You think I want to be this way? Do you think I wanted to eat three pints of ice cream and a jar of peanut butter? No, I did it because I'm sad." With a huff, he sat down on his couch and drew his quilt tighter around him. "And if you think this is bad, you should have seen you after your breakup with Mindy."

"Hey!" Danny frowned, shutting the door behind him. "I showered."

"Yeah, that's the point. You showered, you got dressed, you came to work, and you had the scariest dead eyes I've ever seen- and I've watched every zombie movie ever made." Peter looked up at him earnestly. "That's kind of the reason I wanted you to come here tonight, and not one of my frat buddies. You get this."

Danny sighed and sat down on a chair. Instantly, he frowned as he felt a vibration in his lower back. "Is this a massage chair?"

"Oh yeah." Peter looked away wistfully. "Lauren and I use to do it on there all the time. She really liked Feature #3."

Danny leapt up from the chair immediately as Peter stared up at him mournfully. "We're never going to do Feature #3 again!" He let out a half choke, half sobbing sound, and Danny pulled over a kitchen chair he hoped was safe.

"Ok, enough. Stop making that noise. What do you want to do? Do you want to go bowling or something to cheer you up?"

"Bowling?" Peter stared at him incredulously. "This isn't the Big Lebowski. Do I look like John Goodman to you, because I will cut you if you say yes."

"Ok, then I guess we could go to a bar or something," Danny suggested. "But no strip joints or any place where the women wear tassels!"

"Danny, can't we just stay here and talk?"

Danny immediately shifted in his chair, already uncomfortable.

"Look," Peter sat forward, "I know talking about feelings and saying things out loud turns you into this fidgety swamp monster, but can we at least try it until Mindy gets here?"

Danny rubbed his temples. This was exactly what he had been dreading.

"I just have so many feelings…" Peter's voice sounded choked again, "I really think that I need to…"

"Ok, ok. I'll listen," Danny cut him off before he could start crying. Mindy better have a smooth delivery. "Tell me what happened between you and this broad."

Peter immediately launched into his whole saga with Lauren. Things had apparently been going well. He had learned how to change a diaper and even bought the tyke a teething ring, when Lauren told him they needed to talk. She said one of her co-workers, a nurse she had worked with for years, had recently kissed her. She told him there had always been something between them, even before she got pregnant, and she wanted to pursue her feelings.

"It's just like what happened to Cliff when you and Mindy got together," Peter pointed out. His face crumbled. "Oh God, I've been Cliffed!"

"You were not Cliffed," Danny said defensively. "Don't call it that."

"I was Cliffed, and now I need to jump off a cliff."

"Don't be so dramatic." Danny frowned. "Lauren was just one girl. You weren't even dating long, and she made you realize you were attracted to intelligence, right? That's a good thing."

"One girl? She wasn't just one girl to me, Danny. Is that how you view Mindy?" Peter rolled his eyes. "Somehow I doubt my work wife is just another girl to you."

"No, that's not what I- wait," Danny froze. "What did you just call her?"

"Mindy? She's my work wife."

"No." Danny began to shake his head. "No. She is not that. Do not call her that. No."

"What? Mindy is my work wife," Peter insisted with a shrug. "Jeremy is her work 'motha. Morgan is her work 'brotha. And I'm her office hubby."

"Mindy is my wife," Danny declared angrily, pointing at himself. "I mean she will be. Probably. I want her to be," he sputtered. "The point is, Mindy is mine, okay. Mine!"

"I think you're getting a little work up here." Peter slowly raised his hands.

"Mine!" Danny repeated hostilely.

"You can pee on her later to mark your territory. Really, you're just proving my point here. Lauren wasn't just one girl either. And the worst part our breakup is that there's nothing I can do." Peter sighed. "I can't just be a creep and catfish her, or ask me to meet her at the top of the Empire State Building. She's likes another dude better than me. Game over. It's done. I'm out."

Peter buried his head in his hands and looked so sad, Danny's chest tightened. He scooted his chair forward and took a deep breath.

"Look, I wasn't thinking about Mindy when I said one girl," he admitted, glancing around like he was paranoid the universe was somehow listening in. "You know I was married before, right? Mindy can't keep a secret so I'm sure you heard my ex-wife cheated on me."

Peter's head slowly lifted in surprise, clearly not expecting Danny to bring up his past. "It was hard," Danny confessed. "I liked being a husband. I had someone to come home to, someone to take to dinner parties, someone to share a bed with. We were married for five years, and after it was over, it took me even longer to trust another woman again."

"So that's why you fucked up so badly with Mindy," Peter mused.

"No," Danny shook his head. "I fucked up with Mindy because she meant even more to me than my marriage did. I had liked my life with Cristina. I loved her and it hurt like hell when it was over, but with Mindy…" Danny expelled a breath, "but with Mindy…"

"You're happy," Peter finished with a small smile.

"Yeah," Danny nodded gratefully. He had yet to find the words to describe how he felt about her. "So happy, it was hard to trust at first." He gave Peter's shoulder a small pat. "And I know you liked Lauren a lot, but it's not over for you. You're going to meet the love of your life, too- that someone that makes you happy. Try not to fuck up at first when you do, like I did. Learn from this last relationship because when you find the girl, you will do all sorts of idiotic things you never imagined doing."

"Thanks, Danny," Peter said sincerely after a pause. "That actually is pretty decent advice.

Danny shrugged, trying to hide how much the words pleased him.

"I guess you were overdue for some good stuff after dishing out so much crap," Peter added.

Danny glowered at him. "I do not give bad advice," he insisted, sitting back in his chair. "And is there anything else you want to talk about now?"

"Not really." Peter slowly took the quilt of his head and dropped it on the floor. "I think I'm good at moment."

"Thank God," Danny replied, feeling a wave of relief. "Then how about we order some pizza?"

"Yeah." Peter nodded, finally looking like himself again. "I'm in the mood for some deep dish."

"What?" Danny was unable to hide his disgust. "Deep dish is not pizza!"

"Yes, it is. We're going to get us some deep dish, and watch us some porn." Peter rubbed his fingers together eagerly. "I've got a great collection."

"No," Danny shook his head vehemently. "We are not doing that. Absolutely not."

A few hours later, Danny and Peter were shouting at the TV at the end of a WWE wrestling match with hamburger wrappers scattered around them, when there was a knock on the door. Danny got up to open it. After placing a quick kiss on his cheek, Mindy darted to Peter's side.

"Peter, how are you doing? Here, I got you beer and enough of that disgusting licorice you like to get you through this heartache." She dumped a plastic bag on his lap. "It's black, like just Lauren's heart."

"Thanks, Mindy," Peter said, looking up at her appreciatively. Danny watched her with a small smile, touched by her compassion.

Mindy squeezed Peter's shoulder supportively. "Of course. Anything for my work husband."

Danny smile evaporated. "No, no, no! Not that crap again."

"See, Danny." Peter broke into a cocky grin. "I told you, she's my work wife."

"Obviously," Mindy agreed. "I have been for months now."

"Enough of that!" Danny demanded. "I don't want to hear that kind of talk. It needs to end right now."

"But why, Danny?" Mindy asked. "Peter and I are happily office married."

"Yeah, Danny," Peter jumped in, "why would you want to separate a happy couple?"

"Don't call yourself that!"

The bickering didn't stop there. Danny and Peter turned on Mindy the moment she changed the channel from wrestling to Pretty Woman. She didn't relent until Danny and Peter chased her around and stole the remote out of her hand.

That night, Danny happened to do a lot of idiotic things he never imagined doing being. The first of which was agreeing to stay the night. He even settled down in that disgusting massage chair, while Mindy seized the couch and Peter took the floor. Later, he allowed himself to get sucked into yet another conversation about feelings at four o'clock in the morning. He was still uncomfortable throughout it. Yet as he made breakfast in the morning, and saw the look on both Peter and Mindy's face when they saw the chocolate chip pancakes, he couldn't bring himself to regret any of it.


End file.
